hey! its sal’s blog!

im hepi.
im spirited again.
im at full throttle

it were just a few simple sentences.
easy to be understood
easy to be thought of
but the impact was so huge.

after a long search
after struggling to trace
finally ive found the right sentences
to regain back myself
to bring back myself to the reality.
to keep on moving with full of liveliness.

thanks
terima kasih
arigatou
kamsa hamnida

may allah bless you =)

This is just another emotional rambling of salwani bout her life.To motivate herself to move on with her ’serabut’ life. But she wrote this from a new perspective. But once again, this is just another rambling. So please do not bother to read because it may just wasting your time. Yet, if u still insist to read it, she wud be very happy if u may as well drop a comment. (ceh….perasan gle ada org nak baca blog neh…agagagaga)

TOPIC =  SHE’S STRESSED!!!!!!!!

BEFORE (in Malaysia)
She’s stressed. So, she will :-
1. Talk to somebody that will listen to her
2. Cry
3. Feeling homesick
4. Pessimistic thoughts will overwhelmed her (e.g How she wish to turn back time,how she wish to be somebody else)

AFTER (in Australia)
She’s stressed. But she :-

1.Kept it inside.

Reason she kept it inside :
i)  She may feel not comfortable yet to share bout it with her new frens.
ii) She wants to become independent. She’s 20 in its about the time to stand on her own feet

2.  She keeps telling herself to let the bygones be bygones and continuously reminding herself to think positive.

(NB: Thats y she need to talk to someone so that she can channel
her pessimistic thoughts into a positive one.)

Implication :
i) She hardly cry.
ii)She honestly not feeling homesick.

PEPATAH MELAYU : sikit-sikit lama2 jadi bukit

Finally…she reached the peak of her patience level. She cannot hold it anymore..And she burst out the tears at last.(its not that she hold her tears b4 this, but the tears
just couldnt come out and thats such a devastating feeling!) And this time,
she cried alone in her messy room (the effect after struggling finishing her poster project) with no one pampering her and telling her that everything’s gonna b alright. She was all her by herself.

However, she enjoyed the moment. She treasured the feeling of being able to cry again. She felt as if suddenly all her problems disappear. She felt such a relief as she can finally cry.

Her stomach suddenly growling. So she went to the kitchen and reheat her lunch box and turned on the tv. It was dr phil talk show. Since she was alone and feeling like to have a companion, so she just watched it. and next.. it was oprah talk show.. Watching both talk shows, the feeling of not giving up and enthusiastic aroused herself. She suddenly channeled her desperation into an inspiration. She suddenly strongly believed that what happened today was a sign from the Almighty and that might be the turning point for her to change her life. She suddenly gain the momentum to move on with her life and be brave to face all the challenges.

CONCLUSION

1. She proud of herself for being able to get through her terrible day all by herself. (credit given to aji as she tremendously help her in some way)
2. She is confident that by stranded here in WA, she is now able to train herself to become more ‘tabah’
3. She is in full momentum to start her life all over again and do her best to struggle for her upcoming final exam.

"Salwani, mungkin semua ni ujian dr Allah utk sedarkan dirimu yang kau sepatutnye bangun dr mimpi lena itu. Kau perlu berusaha keras. Jangan main2 lagi.. tetapkan di mana sasaranmu and jadilah dirimu yang dlu yang akan cuba sedaya upaya mendapatkan apa yang kau mahukan.Ingat lah Salwani…bahawa Allah sentiasa bersama dengan hambaNYA. dan DIA takkan mengujimu seandainye DIA tahu kamu tak mampu menghadapi dugaan tu. So, wake up gurl! Live ur life to the fullest! Never ever give up.U’ll able to face it. Yep, its tough, but in the end, u’ll treasure the hard time very much. When u started to lose hope, always remember that surah baqarah (216). Insyaallah…kau akan berjaya SALWANI…. =) "

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

You got to keep it up
And don’t give up
And chase your dreams
And you will find
All in time

Im not sure how many times I’ve played the song "All Will Be Well" by The Gabe Dixon Band for today. Sampai bleh hafal dah dia nye lirik. ahaha. Well, apart from "mengadu" kat Allah and talk to some of my fren, this song has been one of my fast healing therapy over the Curtin’s issue.hehe.And infinity thanks to Anna and Yon for being there for me. I  appreciate all ur comfy words and advice. And the rest who is not mentioned here (byk la..tak larat nak type..)  arigatou ne~~ u guys r totally a gud fren of me. =) sbb korgnye kata2 smangat ni la, aku cepat heal nih. cewah! =P

"Walaupun realiti sbnrnya amat menyakitkan tp buat cam biasa je
la..Nnti dah lm2 ok la tu…ble dah alami sendri camne kat sana. Org je
ckp tak best, tp ntah2 best gler kat sana…" -kimi

"x baek cmtu..Bukan calang2 org dpt gi sana" -piepah

"but Allah is ALWAYS the best planner.Dont worry too much.Indeed you might be feeling a little bit down and disappointed. But despair not the plannings of Allah because He has great plans for you.You’ve strive to get pass the marks and requirements.You’ve aimed for what you wanted.But if you didn’t get what you wanted.In the end, maybe its just you deserve something better.

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (al baqarah, ayat 216)" -anna

"first yg best, perth ni tempat yg sesuai utk belajar la.means not in the middle of city but not far from city.5 minutes jer.landscape-one of the best;greenery
surrounding. =)"-izat

"takpe sal. Senior aku kata leh save banyak kalo tinggal kat Perth. kat situ murah gle cost of living dia…So kalo duit utk shopping tu mmg byk la nnti…."-yon

"takpelah.Curtin pon bagus gak.Senang balek malaysia.Ikut time malaysia.So ko leh la call mak ko bile2 masa.Takyah pk time difference"-hanna othman

Carlos Casteneda quotes "The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or a curse”

I guess, for now im choosing to become a warrior. No more sorrow,gloomy or unavailing remorse over the Curtin issue. Ive decided to accept the fact that i’ll go there and survive. And do whatever I can to brush up my potential there. Which uni im going to enroll is not a big matter after all.Its all up to me rite?…the choice is in my hand and i choose to be optimistic bout this. I choose to be positive. And I choose to stop being childish. Im 20 next year and i must quickly throw away my immature way of thinking. Yes…i’ve promised myself to always look on the brighter side. I vowed to myself, that no matter how hard my life will be later on, I must stand still, bear the pain and never ever give up.mencuri status ym anna;

"sometimes you couldnt see the sun but the light could shines before your eyes."

So…Curtin, Here I come! I’ll make sure u’ll not regret for offering me a place there. And to JPA, i’ll prove to you one day, that it’s more than worth it to sponsor me all this while and thank you for believing in my potential and giving me the opportunity to study overseas.. cewah…confident gle sal! takpe2. as long as salwani dah kembali bersemangat itu sudah mencukupi! yeah.. sal kena tabah! ahaks! =D

Mencoret kata2 azli,

"Tak kesah la dpt mana2 pon, msti ada keseronokan gak kat situ. Terpulangla kpd aku camne aku nak hargai keseronokan tu…dlu aku pon rasa skola asis tak besh, ausmat intec cam pemusnah masa depan, tp last2 aku dpt gak atasi sumernye n jadik kenangan terindah aku, so aku rasa 4 thn lg aku akan berkata… BEST GLE CURTIN!!"

ye..smoge 2011 nnti, i’ll graduate from that uni and saying "CURTIN IS THE BEST, SUPERB, WONDERFUL, UNIVERSITY ON EARTH!!!" ahaks! =)

"Hello..Assalamualaikum…Em..saya call nih nak tanya fasal placement uni saya."
"Em..Nama siapa nih? Kos apa? "
"Siti Salwani Razali. Pharmacy"
"Oh..adik dpt CUrtin."
"Curtin?? Er…Nak tanya sket bleh?Bleh tak kalo nak wat rayuan tuka uni?
"Oh..tak bleh….Kalo adik buat rayuan pon, mmg kte takkan layan..lagi2 kalo pharmacy"

The scene took place yesterday; near the escalator in front of Mid Valley Exhibition Centre. Beside me was Ateqs and at that time I was just 5 minutes walked out from Studio R holding my Nike sports shoes that ive just bought….My main point here, the state of contentment, excitement,  and satisfaction of having new pair of sport shoes + memorable time with my best frens back in Semashur  were ruined by a  simple communication with 1 of the JPA officer..

CURTIN UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY….
Location: Perth (specifically Bentley)

This is where i’ll be spending my next 4 years time as pharmacy student. It is one of the best school of pharmacy in Aus. (To note, The highest TER among all uni that offer pharm there). Hah..dah dpt uni terbaek pon, tak bersyukur lg…. I know i should be grateful that JPA will send me there, yet…deep inside, i know its gonna be tougher this time. From information that ive obtained from senior and frens, life as a pharmacy student there is hard.To put it simpler, once again, i have to go thru a hectic, busy, pressure life as what ive been go thru dis 2 years (perhaps i should  pay more attention on preparing my mental and physical-so that i can survive there; rather than checking what are things that i should bring or what are the things that needs to be settled now). Ausmatian may know how troublesome to do the ESLS investigation and guess what? Yeah..I need to the same thing even in my first year but this time with harder topic and i have to pay SERIOUS attention on plagiarism..This is just part of the reasons why ive felt 1001 of emotions once i knew my placement there..(most of the proportion = pessimistic thoughts).

Yup, i know im sounding like a person who is not thankful enough on those blessings that ive got so far. I know im like a loser; already surrender without even try it all. The truth is…. i dont have the confidence to go thru such a hectic life again..i dont think that i can stand the unbearable pain for the second or should i put it third time
? (considering ive been thru ausmat hectic life twice..ahaha.)

However, to think on the bright side, Allah knows the best for me and everything happens for reasons.Who knows my future husband is an engineer that’s studying in Curtin ke..(ahaha.kenapa msti pk jauh smpai ke husband ye?? lantak la!!! dh tetbe terpk cmtuh.Nk wat camne… Yon pon ckp mende yg sama.

"Aku rsa ko bertemu jodoh di sana la Sal..")

Whatever the reasons are, i just have to redha with what Allah has decided for me. I must face the challenge with positive thinking that i can overcome all the obstacles. yeah! Salwani boleh! gambattene SAL!!

To put myself in others shoes, I should be grateful enough that i
can fly, that i receive placement for uni. Think bout those who pass
the TER requirement for both sponsor and uni placement yet they can no
longer hold on to their dream to fly with other frenz due to limited
place for pharmacy student…Sad facts to bear, but that’s the reality.
While some of JPA scholars have already started to smile again when JPA
agreed to lower down the cut off point but to few; the pain of losing
hope is so… unbearable.Just imagine, once u’ve known ur result, u
know that u’ve the chance to fly (as u’ve passed all the requirements),
tellin ur parents that uve succeed and seeing their happy faces;
suddenly u have to tell them, "Sorry mom n dad, I can either go to
indon or do twinning at IMU" Sdey gle!!! I cannot imagine myself to be
in their situation. They must’ve felt devastated. =( But that’s the
fact. That’s life.As fren, im lost for words to comfort them. =(

Tp…ble pk balik…(Ye aji..aku dgr suara ko membebel ckp aku ni pk byk sgt…ahaha),mampukah aku survive kat curtin tuh? Sumer dak2 pharm intec yg gi sana sumer result superb2. Tu br intec. Local students tak tau lagi. If not mistaken, ive heard one of senior there said this

"The locals are damn smart!They even think y12 was too easy for them."

mommy!!! IM DAMN SCARED~ tanak fly  cani. bleh? ahahaa. OK sAL…u better stop talking nonsense now. BE POSITIVE!!! yeah! POSITIVE!! alamak..cam sesi motivasi la plak. yeah..but i do need motivation rite now. Being isolated in western part of australia, tetbe tringat plak shahir ckp

"And Perth wud be the last place i want to visit in aussie".

Gosh!! tidak!! fikiran berkecamuk!! I guess i should take rest now. Try to breathe in some fresh air to freshen up my mind. Hope next time i’ll create a more positive tone of post……

Have you ever been down and out
and nobody seems to be around for u to talk to
THAT’S ALLAH….he wants u to talk to him..

Have u ever been just sitting there
and all of a sudden u feel like doing nice for someone u care for
THAT’S ALLAH….he talks to u..

Have u ever been thinking about somebody
that u haven’t seen in a long time
and then next thing u see them or receive a phone call/sms from them
THAT’S ALLAH….there’s no such thing as "coincidence"

Have u ever received something wonderful
that u didn’t even ask for
THAT’S ALLAH….he knows the desires of your heart

Have u ever been in a situation
and u had no clue how it is going to get better
but now u look back on it
THAT’S ALLAH….he passes us thru tribulation to see a brighter day..

<OBviously this piece of thoughts wasnt from me. i copied it from sumwhere and alter it a lil bit. hehe. Just wanna share it coz once ive read this, the sense of tranquility, serenity, and peaceful overwhelmed me.. =) >

It’s already 1.58 am and I still busy searching for articles that related to my investigation studies. GOSH!!! It was tiresome to browse and read all the articles. Some of them are hardly to be understand and way……….toooooo long…..While reading those articles and listening to the FLYfm,i browsed to the website with the url www.drawahouse.com (which i get it from the ad in FLYfm) and started to draw my house.Its actually an interactive website where u can draw a house and then ur personality will be analyed by the way u draw ur house. Surprisingly the analysis results  is 99.9% true about me. At least it does intercept with what I feel about myself recently. =)

The question then arised,

How the analysis process being carried out…..??????

epi new yr

“ Wun, (nama manja adik aku.) Nak tak akak ajar trick chess br?”

“Boleh jugak. Cepatlah ajar”.

Hehe. So, this is about the time. I will teach her more about chess with the hope that in the future she will be pro in chess. Cewah! Erm.. actually after uncountable matches with her, I realized that she has the talent. I think if she is constantly playing chess with various strategy and exposed widely to this games, its not impossible that one day she can be master in this games. Hehe.

“Ni namanya castling. Penah dgr?"

“Tahu. Mcm ni kan?” Sambil gerakkan king and rook.

“Eh?cane Wun bleh tahu?”

“Hehe. Ustazah Wun penah ajar”

“ La..kakak tak penah blaja ke?”

Shame on U!!Damn it!! Malu lg aku. How come I don’t know but she knows? Ok2. Blame urself. U r the 1 who doesn’t interested in chess when u r still kids. What is ur obsession when u r still in primary school? Lets c…. Herm…

Standard 3 : bercerita BM

Standard 4 : English Story telling

Standard 5 : English Story telling n bahas BM

Standard 6 : English Story telling n bahas BM

If not mistaken, these were ur major obsessions during the old days kan? Er…and to sum up, ur talent is basically having no relationship with chess. So…no wonder u never heard of castling before. So, I forgive u sal. Ngeh3. Tp, how about my pride as the eldest sis? Aiyak…What shud I do?

“Tp castling aku laen sket.”said Izat when I ym with him.

“Mksd ko, castling queenside?”

“A’ah. Masa aku maen ngan adik sedara aku dia ckp mana ada castling mcm tuh”

Tup!! Hehehe. Suddenly I recalled back my conversation with Izat. Phew! Sebaik ada rescue.

“Ha..castling wun main is kingside kan. Penah tak dgr castling queenside?”smbil melakukan movement tersebut.

“Eh? Ada ke camtuh?”

“ Ada. Kwn kakak ajar.”

“ Meh akak ajr movement lain plak”.

What do I feel? Hey, I enjoyed this moment. Spending great time with sis talking bout chess n excited to defeat each other and of course, it really helps to release my endorphines. Ahaks!

Well, since both of us r pretty obsessed with this brilliant game actually we never realized that all this while we r playing it with the wrong method. KESILAPAN YG AMAT MEMALUKAN!!! Since there was a bit of misunderstanding on the position of kings for both sides, I asked wani chess and this is what she told me.

“Kalau nak senang, king putih duk kat kotak hitam n king hitam duk kat kotak putih.”

Wakaka. It’s wasn’t a stupid mistakes but it was more a silly mistakes. Heh?? How come all this while there is no one realized we are starting the game with the wrong position of the kings. Don’t shame on me. I don’t know. My sis the one yg always arrange the chess set. So, forgive her, since she is still a kid. =P Ahaha. But maybe that’s explain why I had lost to my sis before. =P

Shoot!! While Im writing this post, I was just being defeated mercilessly by one of my fren. N wallah…all my idea for the next sentences just vanish in the blink of eyes. Great…but never minds. I love challenges! Just prepare urself dude! =p

Zul!! Where art thou?? i need u now. Cepat balik from camping n teach me more chess techniques.

p/s: Oh btw, congrats to all my fast track frens who finally surpass the cut off point. Im so proud of u guys especially to those who scored amazingly in their finals.

“CHECK MATE!!! Ahaha. kakak kalah!!!" For a few seconds, i was stunned. what?? er…am i dreaming?eh, bajetla…takkan la kalah chess ngan dak darjah 5. wake up sal!!! learn to accept fate. you lost….in the hand of ur lil sis!!oh no!!

LESSON 1 :DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE UR LIL SIS/BRO.

ahaha. well, the truth is im not underestimating my lil sis with her talent to play chess, but 1 thing that i was overlook is i didnt realize that my lil sis had grown up. And in this case, of course she will know how to play chess n its tricks. When i was asked to play chess with her, in my mind, "main chess? la…tak mencabr langsung main ngan dak darjah 5. tp takpela. sian plak nurul takde org nak main. ala..main bodo2 sudah. at least dia rasa happy."

LESSON 2: DO NOT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED

so, to make it short, i lost the game with lots of stupid movement. just a few minutes after the game started, i lost my knight in the battle. n later my bishop, but thank god i still manage to protect my queen.(ok la..although check mate pon, at least queen ada kan… ahaha. )

LESSON 3: NEVER GIVE UP EASILY!

After the embarassing match of mine, for the sake of my dignity, i challenged her for another match. and yay!! i won the game by leaving her with only 2 pawn 1 rook and a king. "Ahaha. kakak menang! berani nak lawan lagi?" "Huhu, takpe2. br 1-1. jom lawan balik." After the 3rd, 4th and 5th match the entire day, the results is i won 4 out of 5. ahaha…i know some of u out there wud think of this "Ala..lawan ngan dak kecik bleh la menang byk mcm tuh". no. my point is, i want to tell you guys how my lil sis had inspired me. After continuous lost, she still didnt give up and try harder to improve her strategy. And of course struggle to play without her queen since her queen usually lost in the battle in the beginning of our match. hehe. (sal with the role of cruel sis. =p)

So, the following days we challenged each other in chess and to some point I realized that im addicted to chess. Ahaha. Im sure Wani Chess n Zarul will be excited to read my statement here. Well, it seems like everyday, when I was bored, im no longer on the laptop to play warcraft/dota but Im more intended to play chess with my lil sis. And in each games, I will discover one by one the beauty of chess. The movement of each pieces, the unique of chess board with its black n white squares. Im attracted to it. I was captivated to find out that every single movement of our pieces is a totally critical. One faulty step, ur kingdom will fall. And now, im deeply in love with chess. Cewah!!

However, there is one day where for the whole day, I lost to my sis in every match. And definitely it was frustrating. So, with big hope to defeat her the next day, I made a plan to ask some of my fren to teach me more about chess. And thousands of thanks to Zulkifli…=) coz he had taught me amazing tricks in chess and that’s only makes my love towards chess growing bigger and bigger from day to day. Well, actually…..its not really a trick, but it was like some kind of magic for me when I found out there are movements such as ‘castling’ and ‘en passan’. He also taught me what is ‘fork’ and which situation is called ‘pin’. These things are awesome n brilliant!! See? How can I resist not to falling in love with chess!

To be continued……

I’ve been looking of changing my way of writing n searching for a good topic to publish another post after my long absence from world of blogging. however, after a few hours reading n browsing the internet to get some idea, i just dont know. there r tonnes of things i want to burst out but i dont know where to start. So, i decided to write it in point form. so here they are :

1. I love to be in holiday.to be absence from the hectic way of life. yet, i discover that i cannot spend my time at home for more than 2 weeks. or else, the symptom of grumpiness will slowly appear within myself n once its about the time for the volcano eruption, pls….stay away from me. wakaka. although im 18 n almost reach 19, i still searching for the best method to control my temper. The interesting part is, this syndrom only occur when im at home and not at other places.so, pity my family to have me as one of their family members. agagaga…so, to prevent any argument, i will usually locked myself in my room which then leads to the second problem.

2. once i locked myself in the room, i will usually online, browsing to some cool websites or IM or sleep.If those therapy of mine wudnt work out, i’ll usually find a fren to talk to. n this time, pity to those who be my victim to listen of me talking crap. ahaha.

3. before this, shopping is one of my therapy, but recently i found out it doesnt work at all. i wasnt enjoy shopping as i did before. shopping wont release my endorphines anymore. huhu. yet, i wud take it as a positive way coz i can start saving now. saving some capital for my future pharmcacy. ecece.

4. recently im suffering from a ‘disease’ which i dont have any mood to have any social interaction. i dont reply sms n rarely IM with my fren unless they buzz me first.even i dont have any feeling of hanging out. n this is so not me. some part of me feel some kind of peace but some part of me feel terribly disaster. so lonely like i was stranded in an unknown planet.

wait…i guess im just talking crap again. i need a momentum to bring about a gud topic.hey, idea! where art thou? wait til my next post la. adeihl….